Today is my husband's (hereinafter referred to as "J"...that's a little legalese for you folks) birthday...so I figured it is a perfect opportunity to do a post about him. I want to start by saying that he is the most amazing man i know. (baby...if you read this, don't get a big head).
J often looks at me and calls me "pavam", which means innocent in malayalam. And i always look at him incredulously because i can't fathom how someone can feel that way about me. True....i have my naive moments, but i feel that life has made me too practical and cynical to retain any true measure of "pavamness". And no...i am not digressing to make this a post about me and my cynicism.
The point is that J has also been through many things in life which have hardened him and caused him to lose some pavamness and yet he hasn't lost the overral essence of pavamness which i now believe to be so elusive in relation to me. He still believes in people, in their innate goodness, and this completely shines through in his being. This genuineness creates a certain charisma which draws people to him. I, on the other hand, feel so tired with life that i don't have the energy to be genuine or fake. I am just apathetic about most things in life....practical and apathetic.....that's exactly how i would describe my current state of being. And I am not trying to be dramatic and imply that life has dealt me many worse blows compared to my husband. (I leave the "woe is me" act to my mother-in-law who is the master of the craft....tee hee!) In fact, i think his life has been much more difficult than mine. I at least had many good childhood years where i was just a kid, carefree and callous. My husband was unfortunate to have had very few such years. And yet, he deals with life so much better. He is still positive and optimistic. He hasn't given up on life yet.
I don't know....maybe its a male v. female thing. Females are naturally vindictive, manipulative, and prone to negativity. Men seem more capable of compartmentalizing life and letting things go which perhaps allows them to maintain a more positive outlook on life.
But, i really think its more than that. I think its a J thing. He is completely incapable of manipulation. He is 100% real. And that's what I love about him. And when i see him.....being his J self, doing his J thing.....it gives me something to aspire to....some hope that as long as he is with me, everything will be okay.....
The point is that J has also been through many things in life which have hardened him and caused him to lose some pavamness and yet he hasn't lost the overral essence of pavamness which i now believe to be so elusive in relation to me. He still believes in people, in their innate goodness, and this completely shines through in his being. This genuineness creates a certain charisma which draws people to him. I, on the other hand, feel so tired with life that i don't have the energy to be genuine or fake. I am just apathetic about most things in life....practical and apathetic.....that's exactly how i would describe my current state of being. And I am not trying to be dramatic and imply that life has dealt me many worse blows compared to my husband. (I leave the "woe is me" act to my mother-in-law who is the master of the craft....tee hee!) In fact, i think his life has been much more difficult than mine. I at least had many good childhood years where i was just a kid, carefree and callous. My husband was unfortunate to have had very few such years. And yet, he deals with life so much better. He is still positive and optimistic. He hasn't given up on life yet.
I don't know....maybe its a male v. female thing. Females are naturally vindictive, manipulative, and prone to negativity. Men seem more capable of compartmentalizing life and letting things go which perhaps allows them to maintain a more positive outlook on life.
But, i really think its more than that. I think its a J thing. He is completely incapable of manipulation. He is 100% real. And that's what I love about him. And when i see him.....being his J self, doing his J thing.....it gives me something to aspire to....some hope that as long as he is with me, everything will be okay.....
I guess i can't be too cynical....after all pri-destiny did lead me to him!
3 comments:
nothing but a J thang baby....
love you baby, dont give up learning my ways :)
That's so funny. I was just telling someone else how J is def a positive force, and that you guys are perfect for each other! Shhh. dont' tell anyone, but ur my favorite couple!
hehe...we aim to please...can't wait to see you in chi-town!
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