I've got baby fever....

Well...I never thought this day would come but it finally has....I've got baby fever! Seriously...I don't know when this happened...its like it just sneaked up out of nowhere! But I have all the signs...I am all goo goo gaga everytime I see a baby, I stop flipping channels when any commercial with a baby comes on, and then there's the classic - anytime a see a friend with a baby...I spend my entire time with the baby instead of conversing with adults my own age. I think it started early this year when my friend S from work got pregnant. She and I are at about the same stage in our life and it was almost like since she got pregnant - I should be next - like it was a relay race or something - she had to pass the baton to me. And then last night came the whopper - one of my really good friends, T, found out she is pregnant. Now - T and her husband are one our closest friends and literally spend almost every weekend/holiday/vacation together. So, now the baby fever has reached its peak. I can't tell who's more excited about her pregnancy - me or T! I think I am more excited whereas T is more freaked out. To make matters worse, now my husband is also on board and thinks we should start trying for a baby. Of course - since he said that - I got freaked out - I don't think I am ready. But how do you know if you are ready? I mean babies are great and all - but having a baby will basically mark the end of my "life" as I know it! I will never look the same again, I will never get enough sleep, I will never be the center of attention in my family again, I will forever be cranky from all the aches and pains - and the list of cons goes on...but then i see some commercial with a baby smiling with 2 teeth in his mouth and wobbling in his diaper and I melt...and I long...and I crave...to have one of my own. I really don't know how this happened...I always thought I wasn't a baby person and even thought I would be ok if I never had a baby. I always said even if I have one, I will stop at the one...no need for anymore...and now I want like a dozen! This continues to happen to me...all the things I eschewed growing up that my mom did...like watching cooking shoes, being interested in buying dishes, cooing at babies, talking about recipes and diapers....alas have come back to haunt me. I am turning into a female! I was practically raised as a boy and always trivialized everything my mom thought, felt and did because I was a "boy" like my dad. And now as I sit here thinking about my own future and the potential children...I wonder...if he/she will feel the same way about me?!?! My mom was disappointed I wasn't a girly girl growing up....how will I feel if my daughter wants to grow up and ...**gasp** be a princess??? What if she won't like reading or worse...like reading things like Confessions of a Shopaholic!! What if she will cry at every little thing and not be interested in politics or culture or intellecutal pursuasions or being independent? What if she wants to be a cheerleader??? I disappointed my parents in many ways because I didn't do/like/want/need the things they wanted for me and here I am already putting expectations on my unborn and setting myself up for all too certain disappointment. Lot to think about...lot to process....and of course a lot too premature since we haven't even started trying to have a baby...but despite all the thinking and the premature panicking....I can't seem to still that maternal stirring deep inside me.....Damn it...i want a baby...and that sucks!