But I don't want to share....

Well it really has been a very long time since I have blogged! I have been very busy lately with my cousin's wedding. This cousin is basically the closest thing I have to a brother so I was quite involved with the wedding. On the first day that I went over to my aunt and uncle's house to help out with the wedding, a strange phenomenon happened. My cousin's fiance (and now wife) had already been staying with my aunt and uncle for the past month after moving here from London. I've met her a couple of times before and she is a really sweet girl. Well, on this day we were all sitting around making the seating chart for the reception and my uncle said "Baby - can you ...." Now "baby" in our culture is used for a daughter, granddaughter, niece, etc...not the way its used in America...i.e. a romantic connotation. Well my uncle has always called me "baby" all these years and I immediately looked up, but turned out he was talking to my new sister in law! I was quite taken aback and for the first time ever in my life I felt jealous of someone coming in to share my uncle. I have always grown up with boy cousins. Since I am an only child and the only girl, I never had to share the attention of my family with another girl. I was always the special one. And now here was someone who was coming in to ruin all that! You could probably see the disappointment in my face because my aunt immediately said something to reassure me. Now this incident has bothered me in several different ways. First - I always thought I was above all this petty girlish jealousy type stuff. I was never ever jealous of any other girls growing up - I was always happy for all that they had in their life and never really coveted their possessions/aptitudes. I was also always happy to share. And yet here I was....unhappy at the prospect of sharing my beloved aunt and uncle and jealous that I will always be the niece whereas she will now be a daughter! After a few days I got over it and felt silly and stupid and ashamed about my feelings. But, I still can't seem to completely get over it. I would be lying if I said I am not harboring some feelings of jealousy. I suppose this is what sisters deal with growing up. I just hope that I can overcome this feeling because its not me and I am so ashamed for feeling this way.